Our sons school is exactly 175 bounces of a basketball from door to door. About 1 minute and 10 seconds. Jake bounced it, I timed it. But still I was late. I found Jake standing by the wall pointing to a girl who was texting. I thought, ‘here we go, next it will be: 

“Can I have the keys to the car Pops to take Carrie/Buddy to the drive-in on Saturday Night” 

or:

“She’s got a phone, why I cant I have one?” 

Then I realised he was pointing passed her to something that looked like it had blown out of the kids art room window and got stuck to the wall. I moved a bit a closer and remarked:

 “Wow! Check that out!” 

“It’s a moth Daddy” 

I was thinking butterfly but he was right. I got closer to take a picture with my phone, thinking, ‘is it real’ ‘will it fly away before I get a shot’ ‘should I start the short film with the song: Butterfly Collector by The Jam, as the soundtrack – even although the song has nothing to do with butterfly’s and this is a moth?’ …then people started to wonder what all the kerfuffle was about, including one of the teachers who took one look at it and said:

“Don’t know what that is but it sure looks amazing” 

and carried on chaperoning kids into the conveyor belts of parents cars. Aha! I thought silently with raised eyebrows ‘don’t know what that is’ neither do I, and there lys the bait: to find out what it is! I turned to look at Jake who was standing there leaning against an invisible wall giving it his don’t do this Dad, we’ve been here for days, lets just go home? – look.

I quickly found out it was a Luna Moth or Giant Silk Moth, whose natural domain is North America, so what was it doing in Southern Texas? Did it hear good things about the school and decide to migrate? I mean we came from Hampshire in Southern England and chose this school because we heard rave reviews (and 175 bounces door to door) but we can adapt outside our natural habitat because for one thing the local supermarket sells PG Tips! I have to delve further into this but in the meantime Im waiting for a reply from Dan Hardy who chairs the Austin Butterfly Forum. The detail of natures handy work in this moth is absolutely exquisite. Its antennae look’s like autumn-feather quill-ferns and its wings are embroidered with snakes heads taken from Persian rugs but probably the other way around, two on the top and two, unseen here, hidden underneath its second pair of lemon-green downy wings. It’s an Art Deco masterpiece.

They have the look of curtains Mata Hari might pose in front of. Or wear for that matter. “

Which reminds me of a fake fur coat I used to wear, not as flamboyant I hasten to add, but one I ‘borrowed’ from my Mum who got it from her good friend Biddy. I used to wear it up the West end of London. We became regulars at The Wag club, on Wardour Street – another nod to The Jam here ‘A Bomb In Wardour Street’ – Apparently, Bowie, Kieth Richards, Modonna, Prince, Joe Strummer, Gautier and a whole host of other Artists and vagabonds alike used to frequent this place and it was where Bowie shot the video for Blue Jean! At that time the bouncers on the door where: Brandon and Winston – ‘Beware The Most Infamous Bouncers In London’ according to the Evening Standard’s Special On Notorious Bouncers Of The London Club Scene Report! Lovely chaps! They liked our ‘Far Out!’ look and gave us the red carpet treatment any time we showed up. A lot happened in that club, most of which I forget due to too much sherbet and fizzy pop, although I do recall one night when Ed was nearly sold to a Saudi family as their daughter was quite taken by his long wavy red hair and Celtic charm:

“Daddy, I Want One!” 

With the help of Brandon and Winston, we made our excuses, drank our Tenants Super and left. 

“See you tomorrow night gentlemen!” 

Lovely chaps! 

Dans got back to me. Apparently Luna Moths (great name for an Indie band or Cashmere Tailors?) are seen in Austin but very seldom and the reason why it was so stationary still was because it was probably giving out chemical Pheromones to attract males. Much the same way I wore that fake fur jacket but didn’t attract any females, although there where a small smattering of males fluttering about. Anyway, I have been invited to the Show & Tell evening with the Austin Butterfly Forum and I will be there with bells on! Minus my Ma’s best friends fake fur coat. 

Ps, Dan got back to me. He asked me to come along to the next monthly Butterfly Forum and take my two photos of the Luna Moth and the other one unknown, as someone will be able to shed some more light on them. The evening came to show up to the Show & Tell. I showed up. Did I Show & Tell? Nope. Why? I bottled it. Shat myself (metaphorically speaking) withered, shrivelled and died, again. (a bit over the top, but this is what it feels like). I sat there with my USB stick, burning a hole in my pocket with photos of Luna and Moth Unknown on it and listened to other members stories of trekking in the Colorados, Scientific Explorations To The High Andes accompanied by photos of stunning butterflies, names of which I have forgotten – except  ‘Pale Moon’ a beautiful name for a creature dangerously close to perfection – these Lepidopterists know their stuff. I couldn’t bring myself to put my hand up, take out my USB stick and show my two moths. On hindsight, I wish I had. Maybe I should take a leaf out of my Holometabolous friends book and when I find myself in those ‘stuck to my seat with fear and fright’ situations, just change from a ‘if I stare at the floor with intense cold sweat concentration it might just open up and swallow me’ to ‘Okay ladies and gentlemen, let me show you these two beauties!’

If hindsight was foresight. I wont try to justify the reasons why I never stood up as it probably stems back to a horrendous experience in front of the entire class when I was twelve, and crippling painful shyness when I was a kid, but the guy who took a three week jungle adventure, went with a brainy cluster of experts in their chosen field! One of the group, who has been going on the same trip for 16 years, spotted a rare butterfly he heard of, but up until that point had never seen. From the back of the jeep he shouted to the driver to stop which he did but in the panic to finaly see the unseen, he accidentally reversed over the rare specimen. It’s remains now lie in the Lima Museum.

Quick Fact: How to tell the difference between a Moth and a Butterfly; the Moths antennae reach out featherlike and fuzzy, whereas the Butterflies end in little puff balls like a cheerleaders pom pom’s.

A mature interesting chap, who sat all on his own, stood up and with a heavy Romanian/Polish accent, proceeded to tell the tale of his solo adventure in the Gulf Of Mexico. He showed a picture of a peculiar looking moth, which he watched drop to the forest floor, discard it’s wings and slowly ‘crawled off like a predator’ – a new unknown species?

Up against my fears and dedicated enthusiasts I was out of my league and let the situation swallow me whole. The next time I find myself in ‘Rabbit Caught In Head Lights State’ or ‘Velcro Pants On Carpet Seat’ I will conjure up a mental image of a crowd of Pale Moons shouting:

“Go! Johnny! Go! Johnny! Go! Go! Go!”

I advise you to do the same. Just change the name ‘Johnny’ to yours, unless you have the same monicker?!

C’mon! you know you can!

Infact, when the situation rises again, I promise you I will do the undoing and I will be even more ecstatic knowing that someone, somewhere will overcome the urge to not do what they want to do.

Diamond Days!